Feel the pain

So, lasts night workout was another eye opening one for me.

15.12.9.6.3 reps of
Front Squats
Burpees

The RX weight was 100lbs for women but I went with 85. I was honestly embarrassed about not RXing it. I felt like a complete failure for not at least TRYING 100lbs (or at least 95).

As a 5'10" power house female, I feel like I am expected to RX every workout. Sometimes I just want to get through a workout without fucking killing myself. I shouldn't feel guilty about that right? Or is that the purpose of these workouts?

But then on the other hand, sometimes I just don't want to feel the pain. My body is most likely able to handle certain weights and workouts, but there is just something inside of me that doesn't want to give it a try. Perhaps I am afraid of failing or falling behind everyone else.

During one workout that Jay monitored me very closely for, he said to me "don't be afraid to breathe heavy". I feel like all I do is breathe heavy. It's a constant reminder of how out of shape I feel. Maybe I just don't want to be constantly reminded of that fact.



...........Or maybe I just really fucking hate front squats.

Weekend recap

Warning: Pretty boring post...I apologize in advance. Kinda. Not really.

What a beautiful weekend that was! If only it were like that every day...for the rest of my life. I swear I belong in California. I really need to take a trip out there.

I did not do a 5k this weekend. I didn't have the funds to spend $25 on it this week. Nevertheless, I did a nice 4.25 miles run/walk on Saturday to make up for it. It was so nice outside, I just couldn't help myself.

I spent the rest of the day cleaning my car and laying outside on my hammock, getting in as much Vitamin D that I could.

Saturday night was girls night. I had a few friends from college come over for some drinks and catching up. I probably ate my weight in cheese that night. Brie and jalapeno cheddar. I don't regret a single bite. I might even love cheese more than I love chocolate.

Sunday was a lazy day. Spent most of the day on the hammock...can you tell I'm slightly obsessed with it?

Sunday was also meal prep day. Chicken, veggies, oats...the works.

Changing up my food a bit this week. I have recently become addicted to Chobani's Flip yogurts. Coconut yogurt with almonds and dark chocolate...chocolate chip yogurt with raspberry puree...de-fuckin-licious. But, I'm trying to jump back on the clean eating train and get my shit together. So this week, my morning snack will be turkey slices and guacamole.

This week's breakdown--
Breakfast- eggs, bacon, half a grapefruit, green tea
Snack- turkey slices with guacamole
Lunch- chicken with steamed squash
Afternoon snack- oats with mashed bananas and cinnamon
Dinner- chili over sweet potato puree

What the fuck was that?

That's basically what my body was asking me yesterday after last nights workout.

It was one of those workouts where I pull into my driveway and just...sit there. For literally 5-10 minutes. Just sitting there. Letting my brain try to comprehend what my body just went through.

The worst part was the wall balls. I don't know what it is, but this movement always has and probably always will be my least favorite movement. Something about it is so daunting.

But I survived. It took me 29 minutes. Some people finished around 20. Man, I wish I could be that fast.

Anyways, after last nights workout...I am even MORE excited to be a part of the weightlifting club. I don't know what the workouts are going to entail, but I'm hoping it looks nothing like this.

While working out in the club, I will be adding on some miles to the new shoes I received yesterday. Hoping to drop weight and come back to regular performance workouts with a much better endurance. That's the plan anyway.

Like how I said 'much better endurance' as if I'm at even a decent level right now...*sigh*

We used to have a Crossfit Milford Endurance team...what happened to it?! I could really use that shit right now. Thinking of contacting the coach and seeing if she has any workouts stashed away in her computer or something...

Oh muh gawd, shoes.

I hate spending money. Like, really hate it. I'd rather have large amounts of cash collect dust in my savings account than spend it on something I probably really need.

I finally caved in yesterday and splurged on myself. I bought, not one, but TWO new pairs of sneakers *gasp*. Honestly, they were sitting in my Zappos cart for over a week. It took me THAT long to convince myself to hit the 'order' button. It's literally been a year since I bought new shoes. What's wrong with me? I swear I have a vagina...

I bought one pair of good running sneakers. I'm glad I waited because they finally went on sale! WOO! Saved a whopping 10%!! And then I bought a pair to Crossfit in. Not, not Reeboks. I didn't give into the Inov8's so I'm not giving into those either. I bought a modest $65 pair of Nike's. They sure are pretty too. The sneakers I have now are all black. God, I can be so boring...

Next, I plan on buying a running watch so I can keep track of my miles and pace. I feel like if I can see the numbers loaded into fancy charts, I will be even more motivated to get out there. The thing is so cool...the actual watch itself plugs into your laptop and loads up into Nike+'s running website. I can even compete with other people. Bring. It. On.

Feeling really motivated today! Like I found my spark again. Can't wait to get out of work and kill some workouts

I think I'm missing the point

So this whole taking a picture at every race thing is to see my weight loss progress. Well, its been 3 weeks and I don't think I've really done much....losing weight.

I really wanted April to be 'different' but it hasn't...so I'm feeling a little discouraged.

Last week was a fail. I worked out Sun, Mon and Tues but then my my knee got all fucked up so I took Wednesday off. Thursday I had my motorcycle class. Friday I had a going away party for my army friend. So, it went to shit real quick.

I just food prepped for the week and bought some more protein powder so that there is no excuse this week. My knee felt great during today's run so I am hoping it holds up cause I am going balls to the wall.

Poop.

Well, I feel like complete doo-doo today.

Yesterday afternoon, I could feel my head starting to get really tense. You know the feeling...like your head is about explode. For me, it only means one thing. My body is about to start fighting off something nasty.

Once I got home, I felt like I got hit by a bus, and I feel the same today. My throat is sore and scratchy--almost like I've been swallowing razor blades. My body is aching...even my hair hurts. Is that weird? Whatever.

But, I'm a stubborn German and still went to work. My mother raised us with the notion that you can only stay home from school if you were throwing up. This rule kind of stuck with me into adulthood. Besides, sick days should be saved for when it's really really nice out and you just don't want to go to work. Today is supposed to be cloudy so I decided to suck it up.

Another issue I'm having is with my knee. Apparently my body thinks I did too much too fast and it decided to stop me in my tracks. With a little help of my boyfriend and good 'old Google, it turns out that I have runners knee; or in my case, 'trying-to-be-a-runners knee'. Nothing like sharp shooting pain when you put any pressure on your knee! So I took a rest day yesterday and will be taking today off for my motorcycle class. I'm hoping to be somewhat better once the 5k this weekend rolls around. We shall see!

Here's to hoping my immune system is as strong as it usually is. And that my knee stops being a complete dick.

Lesson learned.

Last night I learned that I give up on myself way too easily.

If you are one of the two people who always read my posts, you will remember that workout I recently wrote about where I ended the night in tears. Thrusters and burpees.

Well, the workout made its way back. I really thought I was going to have more time to prepare for that beast again but I was mistaken. Last night’s workout was slightly different but still a beast.

-25 thrusters @ 85lbs (RX was 95 but I had pulled a muscle in my groin and squatting just wasn’t pleasant at all)

-40 no pushup burpee box jump

I did my workout outside for a few reasons—A. I’m stuck in an office for 8 hours a day so if it’s nice out, my ass is working out outside. B. The gym was wicked crowded. C. I didn’t want to feel rushed seeing everyone else finishing before me.

Well, Jay (head coach and owner of the gym) decided to stay for the class and found me outside. I was at 20 thrusters when he came out…and he didn’t leave my side once. He had me knock out the last 5 unbroken—I probably would have done 2 and then 3.

I was only allowed 3 breaths between 10 sets of box jumps. Normally, I would stop after about 5 reps, stand there panting like an idiot for a minute, then do another 5. I knocked out 40 of them without much stopping; something I would have never done had I been out there by myself.  

So on my run home, I reflected on the beating. Why do I give up so easily? If my body is physically able, and someone else is able to see that, why can’t I see it for myself?

I do it with more than just random workouts. I do it with my weight loss as well. I dropped 70lbs, gained back 20 of them…and haven’t been able to lose said 20lbs for the past year. I dropped 70lbs!! And I’m having trouble with 20! Where’s my drive? I used to be unstoppable.

I’ve got my eye on another 52lbs to get to a total loss of 100lbs. I need my spark back.

 

Another reflection I had when I was working out…I need new underwear. This granny panty shit just ain’t cute when it’s hanging out of the top of my pants or giving my giant wedgies. Then again, it’s never really cute is it….

Damn you Mrs. Carton

The past 2 races I've run in, I have seen my 5th grade teacher running it as well. She was even my father's 5th grade teacher, how crazy is that? She has to be in her 70's-80's by now, but she looks as young as she did back then. She is still kicking ass! I hope I am doing that well at that age.

The only ill feelings I have towards her is the fact that she won the raffle I was going after today...$100 to Walmart. What 70-something year old shops at Walmart?!

Anyways. Ran another race today. A 4 miler.

It was in New Haven. I went into it thinking it would be as flat as a pancake but failed to remember that the residential part of New Haven is all hills. This race kicked my ass! But it was fun.

Next race is on Sunday in New Britain. Bring it on.

Stereotypes.

So, I was in my motorcycle safety class last night and the instructor was talking about when people drop their bikes. He said he has a fool proof way to pick them back up that even us 'ladies' would be able to do.

Bro, do you even lift?

I almost wanted to smack him in the face for 2 reasons. 1). Because he deserves it and 2). so I could literally rub my hand callouses in his face.

I bet I could pick up a heavier bike than most of the guys in my class.

I hate stereotypes against women's strength. Yes, most men are stronger than women, it's a simple fact that I will not argue with. But times are a-changin'! Girls like me are out lifting guys all the time. Get used to it!

Even my gym kind of hates on women sometimes. Why do guys get to row for 30calories and we only have to get to 20? Why are there 'men' and 'women' sandbags? Why do all the girls flock to the sleds with only 45lbs on it? Fuck that, I get in line with the guys pulling 225lbs.

C'mon ladies! Don't be afraid to get stronger, we're all capable of incredible feats!

My favorite quote:

Lightning.

So last nights workout was pretty ridiculous

800m row
75 wall balls
400m row
50 thrusters
200m row
25 overhead squats

It wouldn't have been too bad if we weren't forced to listen to god awful dubstep music. Literally, each song was 10 minutes long....with the same exact beat and no singing. I felt like I was at a rave from hell. Once I got to the overhead squat, I had to ask them to change it. I just couldn't take it anymore. But anyways...

Afterwards, I had to run home. I probably should have checked the weather to see that it was supposed to storm the rest of the night...

I have to say, though, that it was the most enjoyable run I have had in a very long time. The rain was so warm and refreshing after that workout. The lightning was BAD but it just made me run faster. It was pretty fucking exhilarating. It put a new spark into my soul. I can't wait to hit that pavement again.

I've decided that I want to do some sort of organized race each weekend. It will keep me motivated and I will get tons of free shirts. I fucking love workout shirts. And razors....those always seem to be in our goodie bags.

I've also decided that I want to take the race pictures (or take one of myself if there are no photographers) and use them as progress pictures. I took a picture from that traumatizing race last weekend which I will use as my first/before picture.

 

 

Julia's Run for Children is on Sunday! Stay tuned. 

Big baby.

So, yesterday, Chris asked me if I wanted to do a 3.5 mile race today. Normally, it would take a lot of convincing to say yes, but I agreed. I knew I didn't workout yesterday and am trying to make sure I get some sort of activity in 6 days a week.

So we're running and running, and I'm feeling pretty shitty. I have a calf cramp on one leg and a shin splint in the other. I can feel my heart fluttering in my chest and I'm breathing like the world is about to run out of oxygen. Chris and I were running together and I always feel bad running with him because I hold him back. I told him a few times to run ahead but he didn't. So I started to get upset...

First water stop--I felt like I was in last place and that the guys were just standing there just kind of waiting for us slow folk to finally get to them. Mile 2...Chris finally ran ahead to catch up with his sister and I was left alone. Like, really alone. It was a smaller race so there weren't too many people around me.

Once I was getting closer to the finish, the workers were starting to clean up all the cones before I even got to them. Even some of the cops were getting on their bikes, leaving their posts and heading back to the finish. I was heartbroken. I felt like I was holding up the whole event, that I was taking longer than they had expected, that I was the last one (which I wasn't...there were some people further behind me). We all know how I feel about finishing last. My fitness self esteem is very fragile so once I got to that finish line, I fucking broke down. I didn't even give the timer guy my ticket...I just walked off and started crying. Not just some tears, like genuinely crying.

I finally calmed down, got my free carbohydrates and shook it off. At least I did it. I could have stayed home and been lazy so I have to at least be proud of that.

Now I'm sitting here, looking up more 5k's to run. I never want to feel that way again and I won't. Maybe one day I'll be able to keep up with my boyfriend...and maybe even beat him...

Awesome.

Everything about Crossfit Milford is awesome. However, their coaches and my fellow athletes are above and beyond any word that I can come up with to describe them.

Last week, I had a rough workout (see previous post) and it really got me down. I vented on facebook, thinking I would get a few likes. Within 10 minutes, my status blew up...even people I am not friends with were commenting on it (which reminds me, I need to take a look at my privacy settings...). Jay--Crossfit Milford's owner cheered me up...along with his wife Jocelyn, a few coaches and a handful of my fellow athletes. I was honestly shocked at how much love I received. Even in the coming days, people were coming up to me at the gym letting me know how much of a beast I am and that I had no reason to ever feel the way I did.

So this is me saying thank you. Your words and ecouragement made me feel like a million bucks--or more like a billion, in this economy. That day is only but a memory and something I will never dwell on again.

Also, an extra huge shout out to coach Gina. This woman stood by me the whole workout to cheer me on. She even got me a cute present to cheer me up a few days later. The Book of Awesome. A journal to write down everything that is awesome about my life...from the little things, to the big things. It is one of the most thoughtful gifts I've gotten in a while. This blog is going to be filled with my journal entries from that book, just a warning.

And that, my loyal readers, is why I have no fucking problem spending $160 on my gym membership. My gym gives me hope and encouragement rather than bagels and tootsie rolls. That chick next to you on the treadmill isn't going to give enough of a shit to take her eyes of her "People Magazine" to tell you to keep pushing through a tough workout. But I know damn well that my friends at CFM will take a few extra minutes out of their day to make sure I go to bed with my head held high.

So, again, thank you. You're all awesome.