The past is the past

I used to be 268lbs. I have a size 20 pair of jeans in my closet that used to be tight on me to the point where I barely even wore them. I wore SWEATPANTS out to a BAR for my friend's birthday because nothing else fit. I could barely put on my shoes because my stomach and massive boobs would always get in the way.

I thought I hid it well. I wore baggy clothes, stayed indoors and avoided cameras. However, the few pictures I have from that year paint a clear picture of how out of control I was.

I was severely depressed and I dealt with it by stuffing my face. I'm not talking about a bad meal here or there, I'm talking day long binges. Taco Bell was my best friend. I would make cakes just for myself and sit there in front of the TV eating it right out of the pan. I'd make pasta by the box and load it with parmesean cheese. It was bad. Looking back I still can't figure out how I let myself get that way.

I remember that day when I stepped back on the scale and saw 268lbs like it was yesterday. I stood there, holding my breath, trying to prepare myself for the number. When I looked down (and over my stomach) and saw it, it felt like I got kicked in the stomach. Before that, the heaviest I had been was 230lbs so that number was an absolute shock. I cried a little, ate a lot...and made the decision to snap the fuck out of it and save my life.

Tuesday, March 2rd 2010 was the hardest day of my life, but every step since then has been worth it. I still have a lot to do but I am more than pleased with the progress I have made both in my physical appearance and in my emotional stability as well.

I went through my old pictures and found my 'before' photos and it is SHOCKING. I didnt think I was THAT bad; I still cant even believe that that was really me. When I hit the 100lb weight loss mark, I will gladly post them on here and put up my 'after' pictures to go alongside them. I am very VERY excited for that day :-)