Trust the process...

Let go. Just give it up, seriously.

No, I’m not talking about giving up on the process of getting healthy and being where you want to be, I’m saying let go of everything you think is holding you back. Stop thinking and just fucking do it.

I hit a huge milestone last week. HUGE. Well, for me at least.

I let go.

Last week I had been feeling really down about this whole process. I’m at the point in my progress where I think I hit a wall when in reality it’s just me being afraid of pushing further. I just had a conversation with my mom and she totally called me out on it. I get to this size and start getting more attention…whether it is from guys or even my friends and it freaks me out. I have always been pretty shy and hide away from attention. Being a bigger girl made it easier for me to feel like no one noticed me, that no one cared, and I strangely found comfort in it. I guess when you live your whole life one way it’s hard to imagine how you’d be able to live it any other way.

Well the compliments on my progress started flowing last week and for some reason, it didn’t freak me out! I welcomed it and thrived on it. Saturday night I was approached at the bar more than once and even got asked for my number…I’m 25 and that was literally the first time that’s ever happened. Sad. Haha but for once I felt more excited than scared. All it took was for me to smile and be confident and I think it all stems from the progress I’ve made in the gym. I’m feeling stronger, I’m not dreading workouts anymore (usually) and I haven’t had a workout where I was upset about my lack of effort in a while.

I’m going out this week and buying a smaller pair of pants (or 5). Usually I just let my clothes swim on me and eventually I gain the weight back and they fit again. Not this time. I’m pushing past this point and I’m not going to look back. I’m going to continue to make progress. I’m going to let go of that scale and base my happiness on my actual happiness.

A lot of us in this yearlong assessment are stuck on seeing a certain number when in reality we are making more progress than we think we are. You guys are KILLING WODs, dropping inches and are feeling awesome…focus on that. Trust the process. The results will come. You just have to let go of what’s holding you back; whether it be the number on the scale or the thought of people paying attention to you. You will get there, we will all make sure of it. 

Smoky Bacon Chili and Cauliflower Goodness

First things first! Grab your handy dandy apron! I think I might start a collection of these, cause they are fun to wear...and pose in it...

That was the best 'sexy' face that I could muster up after a Tuesday WOD...yeah, not so much sexy as it is scary. But its hard to be sexy when your photographer is your 'brother-like' roommate who wont stop laughing at you. So I threw some bacon in...to spice things up for you guys

I felt the need to cook up something new and delicious this week, so I hit up paleomg.com's website to look for a good recipe. After deciding they were ALL good, I finally chose this sexy number. Let me tell ya, it is f'n amazing. I dream about it all day at work...okay, maybe that's a bit much, but really...it's pretty damn tasty. 

I doubled the recipe, but here is the original:
1lb ground beef
6 slices of bacon, cubed
1 yellow onion, dice
1 green pepper, diced
1 red pepper, diced (I bought frozen pepper strips...WAY cheaper and they're already cut!)
1 garlic clove, minced
1 - 14oz can of fire roasted tomatoes
1 - 8 ounce can of tomato sauce
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon chili powder
2 tablespoons smoked paprika
2 teaspoons cumin
2 teaspoons cayenne pepper
Salt and pepper, to taste

And here's what you do with all of that shit...

Get it all together...I forgot to throw the onions into the pic so I graciously drew one in for you 

Pull out a large pot and let your bacon cook down and crisp up a bit. 

A pot full of bacon? Do you really need to add anything else?!.....Apparently yes, let's continue

Once the bacon is cooked to your liking, add in your veggies and let cook for about 6 minutes or so

Add your ground beef and all the spices

Once the beef is browned, add your tomato sauce and fire roasted tomatoes

Mix well and let all the flavors meld together on low for about 10 minutes

Well, hey there gorgeous. You look f*#cking delicious...

Voile! There you have it! You can eat it straight up like this, or eat it over some cauliflower 'rice' 

Put 1 head of cauliflower into a food processor, chop that bitch up, then throw it into pot with a little bit of oil and garlic over low heat, cover and let the steam do the work. 

Ignore the pot of pasta in the background...one of the downfalls to living with boys who have obnoxious metabolisms. 

A dinner fit for a crossfitter... ;-)

It's a good thing

I GOTTA HAVE IT!!

Cravings. Everyone has them.

I live with 3 dudes who were blessed with obnoxiously fast metabolisms, big appetites and a love for pasta like I’ve never seen before in my life. We literally have a whole cabinet dedicated to boxes of Barilla Ziti and Franceso Traditional pasta sauce. Pasta just so happens to be my biggest craving, along with chocolate.

Since we’re on the topic of chocolate, let’s rewind to Halloween 2011. I had JUST started the paleo challenge and was trying to kick the chocolate habit. My roommate decided to buy over $50 worth of candy to pass out…and because Mother Nature is a bitch, only about 4 sets of kids hit up our house due to the snow on the ground. So you can assume how much candy we had left over; however, it does not stop there. My roommates actually put on costumes and went trick or treating themselves. Our neighbors were so ‘over’ the holiday that they gave my roommates all of THEIR leftover candy (some houses were even passing out jello shots…awesome). We had bowls...plural…full of candy.  I would come home from the gym to my roommate sprawled out on the couch in a chocolate coma with wrappers everywhere. 

Luckily, I survived. It wasn’t easy…and that’s the understatement of the century. How did I do it? Here are a few of my tips:

1.      Don’t let yourself get hungry. I’ve noticed that when I’m hungry, my brain shuts off and goes into straight up survivor mode and this is when binging usually occurs. Not good. Unless you’re binging on vegetables. Which isn’t likely.

2.      Make sure you always have water on hand. They have these awesome things called water bottles and, like, you can put water in it and it has a top so it doesn’t spill all over the place. (-->That was my best attempt at being a snotty valley girl. How did I do?) So you have no excuse to carry one around with you everywhere.

3.      If you get a craving, find something to keep you busy…whether it’s reading a book, doing the dishes, or just going into another room further away from the kitchen. When cravings hit, my brain literally haunts me, “just go eat it and get it over with…just do it, it won’t affect anything” The only way it stops is if I cave in…or find something to get my mind off of it.

4.      If you’re stuck in a room full of your friends stuffing their faces with junk food and you can’t leave…man up and deal with it! Try to remember how good you feel saying no to such food versus how you feel after you cheat. The guilt isn’t worth it!

5.      Find paleo substitues. Craving chocolate? You can have it! Here’s a great recipe for paleo chocoate cake in a mug…perfect size, great ingredients. Indulge in a healthy way. And try to limit these to 1 serving…kind of defeats the purpose if you’re going to take 5 of them to your face.

The holiday season has passed…for now. Easter candy trumps Halloween candy 100:1 so we’ll see if I can survive that round too.

Good luck!

The past is the past

I used to be 268lbs. I have a size 20 pair of jeans in my closet that used to be tight on me to the point where I barely even wore them. I wore SWEATPANTS out to a BAR for my friend's birthday because nothing else fit. I could barely put on my shoes because my stomach and massive boobs would always get in the way.

I thought I hid it well. I wore baggy clothes, stayed indoors and avoided cameras. However, the few pictures I have from that year paint a clear picture of how out of control I was.

I was severely depressed and I dealt with it by stuffing my face. I'm not talking about a bad meal here or there, I'm talking day long binges. Taco Bell was my best friend. I would make cakes just for myself and sit there in front of the TV eating it right out of the pan. I'd make pasta by the box and load it with parmesean cheese. It was bad. Looking back I still can't figure out how I let myself get that way.

I remember that day when I stepped back on the scale and saw 268lbs like it was yesterday. I stood there, holding my breath, trying to prepare myself for the number. When I looked down (and over my stomach) and saw it, it felt like I got kicked in the stomach. Before that, the heaviest I had been was 230lbs so that number was an absolute shock. I cried a little, ate a lot...and made the decision to snap the fuck out of it and save my life.

Tuesday, March 2rd 2010 was the hardest day of my life, but every step since then has been worth it. I still have a lot to do but I am more than pleased with the progress I have made both in my physical appearance and in my emotional stability as well.

I went through my old pictures and found my 'before' photos and it is SHOCKING. I didnt think I was THAT bad; I still cant even believe that that was really me. When I hit the 100lb weight loss mark, I will gladly post them on here and put up my 'after' pictures to go alongside them. I am very VERY excited for that day :-)

Sir

Today’s blog is going to be about someone who has literally been a part of my life since I was born. He has influenced me into becoming the person I am today more than anyone. Now, you’re probably thinking I mean that in a good way…which, sure—he’s done a lot of positive things for me. However, he was more like that ex-military step father who wanted the best for you but only knew how to relay the message by being unforgiving and stern.

My dad started Tae Kwon Do in his late teens and I was born a few years after. He would bring me into his classes in my car seat and once I was old enough to start the classes, I was thrown right in (age 5). My instructor (I’ll refer to him as ‘Sir’ because that’s what we were told to call him and I still to refer to him as such to this day) was intimidating and harsh. If you were out of line, he would pick you up by your belt and yell at you, or slap you with a stick in the thigh. There were also those days where he would make you stand on a cinder block and hold a board over your head. If it ever touched your head, you’d be doing drop pushups til the cows came home (basically burpees). I always did what Sir said because I was terrified of being punished. My form was impeccable (another reason why I am super anal about my lifting forms being precise as well; just a habit) but when it came to being able to keep up, I was never able to. I remember we used to warm up by running around the room and he wouldn’t let the other faster kids pass me. I could hear their comments from behind me as they tried not to step on my heels and I would eventually end up crying—which was never acceptable in his class either.

I don’t want to make Sir sound like a bad guy. I didn’t think so then, but I knew he wanted the best for me and I think that’s why he was so hard on me. He pushed me to the breaking point and I am a stronger and more determined person because of it. He’s honestly like another father to me; someone I’ve worked my entire life trying to impress. It wasn’t until I was about 21 years old that he gave me my first compliment. I will never forget a single thing about that workout because of it…tire flips, tire pulls and sprinting outside on a sweltering hot day and bag work inside. Because of a hectic college/sports/two jobs schedule, I had stopped going to his class. I haven’t seen him in a few years and to this day I am still terrified of running into him. I wouldn’t be able to handle him saying something negative to me. However, one day I hope to be confident enough to stop by and show him how far I’ve come since then.

The next person I would like a life altering comment from would be myself; I'm talking about being able to look into the mirror and actually like that I see. 2012 feels like it’s going to be a pretty productive and positive year so I am very excited

Bacon & Sweet Potato Turkey Burgers

Bacon.

Yeah, I know that got your attention. It always gets mine, and there isn’t a damn thing wrong with that.

I’m always looking for new recipes. I’m kind of what you call a picky eater. My menu is always the same and I think it’s one of the reasons why I’m such a yo-yo dieter. So I’ve been trying to spice things up in my taste buds love life cause I’m a caring person like that.

I came across this recipe for Bacon sweet potato turkey burgers. It’s like a whole meal in one delicious meat patty. Throw it over a bed of spinach and you’re fuckin good to go bro.

Makes 8-10

Ingredients:

2 pounds ground turkey

1/2 pound bacon

1 cup shredded sweet potato

1/2 cup chopped onion

1 egg

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

salt and pepper, to taste

Step one: Grab your apron. 

Step two: Take a picture in it 

Mine kind of clashes with, ummm, every outfit I own but my mommy got it for me so I deal with it

Step three: Cook your bacon. Directions say to cook it til it's almost done, but I like mine crispy

Step four: Chop up bacon, shred your sweet potato (food processor is a life savor!), chop your onions, and throw all the ingredients into a big bowl. 

Step five: Mix everything together and form into patties, cook and serve. Or if you're like me, form them into patties, wrap them in plastic wrap and freeze for future use. 

How easy is that?! And how delicious does it look?! 

My roommate has dubbed me 'Martha Stewart' of our household so I have been forced to end each recipe blog with the following:

It's a good thing

Dreams...ya either love them, or hate them...

My dreams can be pretty ridiculous and last night was no different. They either get me really pumped or completely mind f@*k me. Last night I subconsciously gave my ego a huge and crushing blow. I won’t go into specifics about the dream (trust me, once you find out what it’s about you’ll probably be okay with me sparing the details) so I’ll provide you with an overview, if you will. Basically, I had just gotten done doing the naughty dance with some guy and afterwards he said something to me along the lines of “you might want to do something about that roll of fat you have”. What a douche, right?! Nevertheless, I woke up and my goal of trying to be more confident flew right out the window for the day.

If you’ve ever seen me at the gym, you will notice that I wear baggy everything. I hate tight clothing and I have hated it since I was a kid. It’s actually the reason why I stopped gymnastics and dance at such a young age. Karate, on the other hand, was pretty awesome. Those uniforms were nice and loose, just how I liked it. Anyways, getting back on track…I have always been shy about my body and even still at age 25, not much has changed on that front and having dreams like that definitely doesn’t help my situation.

I have always assumed that people think the worst of me and it’s something I hope to work on during this year long journey. There’s nothing you can do tomorrow that you can’t do today…so here’s to hoping I can brush off the comment that no one other than myself (technically) has said to me and stay on track.

He was a horrible lay anyways!